I wanted to highlight some of the resources that have been helpful to me in my spiritual journey. These resources are in no way comprehensive. There were many factors that influenced me. Many of which I am aware and probably even more that I do not even realize. My main reason for wanting to write this post is for myself, but it would also be awesome if this post encourages others or helps others to find answers to their spiritual or religious questions.
I started with reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Many of my questions about Christianity and simply believing in God were answered after reading Mere Christianity, but it didn't shift my beliefs. It did encourage me to keep looking.
I began reading a forum based on my personality type of INTP (although I have retaken the test and may be an INTJ). Either way, intpforum.com gave me an insight into the way people that think like me see their spirituality. Most of the people on this forum could be classified as atheist, but there are also a significant number of people that consider themselves to be Christians, which was surprising to me. A large factor that led to everything 'clicking' in my head was one specific thread.
In this thread, members were very honest with their faith. There was also a very rational argument made for and against Christianity. I think many of the arguments in this thread are unique. I would like to emphasize this point because many people claim to make rational arguments for Christianity, but most of these points are recycled lines of reasoning that non-believers have heard before. For example, the something from nothing question. Having faith certainly helps me answer that question, but I know that this argument will not persuade too many non-believers. (Actually, I think this is an interesting question for non-believers to wrestle with, but I encourage believers to not push the answer. It is very difficult to come to the conclusion of a Creator if you have never considered the argument. Also, it is very difficult for me to believe something that goes against my beliefs. I immediately collect all the evidence contrary to your point just as a reaction, which prevents me from actually figuring it out on my own. Maybe ask the question, present your argument and maybe even the atheist/agnostic argument fairly and let them figure it out. You can mention what you believe, but I do not think that is helpful unless they are really pushing you for your opinion.) Logically, we do not know how everything came into existence. If you cannot determine a solution by reason, then does that mean you should guess?!? Everything may have just happened from some weird anomaly we do not understand. Maybe this matter has always been here and our concept of time is preventing us from accepting this. Maybe a higher entity created everything. Maybe it was the ole Flying Spaghetti Monster! I often feel believers will ask this question to non-believers as if the only possible answer is God, or as if it is a fill-in-the-blank question and the only thing that seems to make sense is God (and it sure is optimistic, right?). I feel it is perfectly acceptable logically to just leave it blank. We do not know.
There is a place for logic and reasoning in coming to faith, but logic alone will not bring someone to believe. A large part of this thread is made up of Christians arguing that strict logic is inadequate for answering these important questions. I know that sounds ridiculous to many people, but it is explained much more eloquently in that thread I linked earlier if you are curious.
Many people, including myself, tend to believe that agnosticism is the only logical belief because you cannot prove God does or does not exist. I struggled with many of my doubts for more than 2 months while using intpforum.org to read how like-minded individuals have thought through similar questions. One night, mentally exhausted, I was talking to a friend. I had been spending hours each day looking for answers to all my questions, and it was not helping me. My friend had told me many times before that I could not find the answer to all my questions, or my friend would ask, 'if I did have all the information, would that make a difference'. I always dismissed these statements because it seemed obvious that I had to understand everything really well for me to make such a drastic decision in my life. I felt I could not simply ignore them and pretend to believe.
Well, my friend told me again something along those lines when she noticed how exhausted I was that night. At that moment, I remembered that similar line of reasoning from that thread. It was basically the same idea. Here is the exact post I went to:
By entering the fray of experience you will grow. You may decide by the end of all your experience that you are still an atheist, but you will be a far wiser atheist. For example, in India we found ourselves in a small town up in the middle of the Himalayas. People dressed in bright yellow scarves and saris were pouring down the street all headed in one direction. Some people approached us and asked if we would visit their temple and join in a banquet. We found out later that they were Sikhs and that hospitality is central to their religion. So we went to the temple to be greeted by everyone and were freely offered food and drink.
Now I didn't become a sikh but it made me warm towards them and open to their ways. I look back now and feel they have a way to God that is different to Christianity but in some ways similar - the emphasis on giving and welcoming and loving your neighbour. Experience makes things more complex and makes the experiencer more open and flexible. Less resistant and closed. Of course, I believe that in exploring a faith you will find God - how, when, which religion etc is none of my business.
But you won't find God going round and round and round and round in your head. Some change has to enter the system from somewhere, otherwise you'll be having the same thoughts in 10 years time that you're having today - scary thought.
Its the same point I made back a few posts about leadership. If no-one takes a stand, nothing will change and the situation will be the same for younger people growing up in ten years time as it is today.
The problem is that there is nothing that anyone can say that will influence your thoughts and feelings about God/god. Only you can do that and that's if you want to. If you don't want to, well, I suppose it's back to reading Richard Dawkins! If you do want to, you have to do something different today than you did yesterday - otherwise you'll be stuck in the same old constructs year after year.
Still, you may prefer it like that.
Something changed that night. I decided that I had learned enough and struggled with enough of my doubts. I had to open myself up to believing. From that point, I felt I could believe in God. I felt at peace with my thoughts for awhile, but I soon realized that understanding Christianity and developing my relationship with Christ was not going to be easy. So far, I have found that it is challenging, but nowhere near as emotionally draining as this process I just explained. I have had doubts since then, but I have been falling back to my faith and relationship with God. I wanted to get into some of the more recent books and sites that have been helpful to me, but that will have to wait until another post.
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